what could possibly happen next?

2004-04-13

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Played in my softball league tonight. We won 35-8. We were up 16-0 after the first inning. Padres won. They moved into within a half game of first place. I'm making good money this week. Everything is going just the way it should. How am I going to f*ck this up? The reason there is an asterisk with that word is not some new moral clarity. No, it is moral clarity being enforced on me by cyber patrol. They have it on the computer where I am living because of the kids. One of the girls was looking at large penises the other day. That must be stopped. Teenage girls looking at huge cocks on the internet. Funny, I can type that last sentence. Boy, if I had the full package I would love to see the number of hits I get for that last sentence. I miss #1. I haven't been able to talk to her for the last couple of days. I miss lulublu too. Where are you? I'm always missing people, places, and things. I revel in sorrow. I relish heartache. I rejoice in the unforgiving nature of this world. It is my religion. You cry for Jesus, I cry for Judas and Pontious Pilate. Pawns in a much larger game than any of them could have ever known. Judas hung himself. Nice. Pilate I believe was eaten by snakes or some kind of crazy shit. Why? Because they had the temerity to do what fate had pre-ordained. Man, what's going to happen to me? Where are my 30 pieces of silver? When will I wash my hands of the blood of the innocent? Maybe that is my saving grace. My never-ending fascination with emotional suffering makes me aware. I can't wash my hands. I'll probably die peacefully in my sleep when I'm like 80 years old. That's the true punishment. Living that long with so much pain and sorrow. Self inflicted. God sure has a great sense of humor.