what could possibly happen next?

2004-10-11

October 11th, 2004

Ugh! I think that I am sick. I say I THINK I might be sick because it could be anything. How about this? I don't feel well. I'm stuffy. My throat is really sore. I can barely talk. I'm not in pain but feel a little loopy. As a result, I haven't smoked much today. That's how you know that I really don't feel well. The other thing that could be happening is that I'm unknowingly and unwillingly withdrawing from drugs. I think that I scored some bad shit over the weekend. Today was the first day that I did any of it to little if any effect. Oh well. I guess, considering some of the stuff that I've gone through the last couple of weeks, I guess that I've realized that ya need a little pain and suffering to make ya know that you are alive. Sunday morning I woke up and just felt a little sad. I was thinking "Here I am again. I can't think of a single reason for my existence on this planet." Except that I do possess a couple of things that generally get me through that kind of thinking. Hope. Faith. Thank god that I have these two wonderful attributes to my personality makeup. Even when times are the darkest (and believe me, this last week hasn't been close to being dark. I've just been feeling sorry for myself) I know that this too shall pass. Unfortunately, that's an old AA slogan. I'll have to amend it to "This too shall pass, I'll just make it pass a little quicker with some chemical relief."

Oh, speaking of drug addiction, a really sad thing happened today. Ken Caminiti, former MVP of the National League in 1996 with the San Diego Padres, was found dead this morning of a heart attack. He was 41. This guy when he played with The Padres was what you would picture immortality and invulnerability would look like if they were put into human form. I saw him strike out once and take a baseball bat and break it over his knee. Wow. Try it some time. Actually, have the strongest person you have ever met try it. Anyway, after his playing days were over, Ken fell heavily into drugs. Crack cocaine if I'm not mistaken. I also heard that he was an alcoholic. Here's this guy, who literally owned San Diego for a couple of years, reduced to being arrested in a crack house in Houston a couple of years ago. He did some time in jail, tried to get his life straightened out, but alas, the pull of drugs was too strong for him. He tested positive for cocaine on a piss test a couple of weeks ago. Now this. Rest In Peace, Ken. From what I understand, you had a heart and a spirit that was too big for this world. I can only imagine how hard it was for you not to be able to do the only thing that you loved to do. It's OK now, man. It's all over. You don't have to suffer anymore. I'll remember you as you would have probably wanted to be remembered, as one of the greatest competitors I have ever seen in any sport. It breaks my fucking heart. It really does.