what could possibly happen next?

2005-01-31

nice...

Here's the letter I just got done writing her. I figured it would just save me the time and trouble of trying to write about it again.

Well, ya got me again! Not to say that I didn't expect it. Does it feel good? Is it more to make a fool of me or because you have to be with him so badly. I knew as soon as that truck got impounded you would be running off with him. I'm so glad that you got that abortion. I couldn't even imagine you running around with another one of my kids with him. I'm actually just happy for the kid himself. I feel bad enough for James already. Not just because of you. Me also. I'm no saint either. I'm just glad to know that I'm not crazy. It's so easy to tell when you are fucked up about him. It's written all over you. I knew it. I just wanted to think it was about the abortion and not him. I'm sure it was a combination of the two. It's like I told you last night. You would go to the ends of the earth for him and wouldn't walk across the room to piss on me if I was on fire. So, am I angry? Huh, not really. Maybe I'm jealous. Or envious. I wish I had someone that wanted me as bad as you want him. I really think that is my hangup with you. See, I really can't believe anyone would want me for me. You are a constant affirmation of that. You're also right that I will never trust you. I tried. I really did. I just knew deep down that you aren't mine and never will be. I knew when you were lying about stuff too. You probably knew that already. Anyway, I'm tired of writing to you. I'm tired of you. You are tiresome. Go make Jamie's life hell for awhile. I'll be sad for a couple of days. But that's about it. More so for the fact of my ego than you though. I'm really glad of that. That's progress. I would love to say "that's it" or "goodbye forever" or any of that other bullshit. Unfortunately, we have a son together. So I know "that's not it". I know it's not "goodbye forever." You'll be back just like the cancer that you are. At least I get a brief period of remission. Maybe I can even figure out a cure for you. Anyway, I really hope that you don't get too fucked up this time. Or "miss" me. I always thought that was funny. You "miss" me while you are with him. I know better.

Paul