what could possibly happen next?

2005-01-05

Wednesday January 5th

I ended up not going to Alabama's as planned. I was so damn tired after work I didn't want to do anything. I could really use some drugs. Doesn't that sound terrible. Sometimes I wish that I lived in the late 60's or early 70's where a statement like that wouldn't instantly label me some kind of anti-social monster. I'm not saying that I want to get tweaked to the gills or coked out till I can't feel my mouth or my throat. Just a nice little speed buzz. The kind where it just lifts me up over the tired that I'm feeling right now. I really don't even want it right now. I would be fine with sleeping tonight. It would be great to have a nice line waiting for me when I wake up tomorrow morning.

The first time I ever did speed I was 15. It was the good shit, man. Peanut Butter Crank. I'm sure that you've heard about it. It's everything you've heard and a big ol' extra large bag of chips.

It was brown in color. actually an off white with brown chunks in it. Probably where they got the term from. It certainly didn't taste or smell like peanut butter. When I first snorted it I thought my head was going to explode and my nasal passages were going to melt. I'd done coke before, but that was nothing compared to this.

I remember my heart starting to pump as I leaned back into the couch, my nose hurting, the rancid speed taste hitting the back of my throat and draining into my mouth. I just sat back for a second. And then, everything started to get slower.

Yeah, that's the funny thing about speed. At least for me. You would thing speed makes things go faster. Well, it makes you go faster. But the world slows down around you. Like as if you were having one of those dreams where everything else is standing still yet you could move around. The things it made me think and feel.

Glorious ideas and thoughts and plans were filling my brain. I could almost "see" music. I've heard other musicians talk about this so I don't think I'm crazy. It's like I can "see" the guitar and the drums and bass and vocals. Pull them apart, like dissecting something. Back then, I must have been dissecting Black Sabbath or Led Zeppelin, maybe even early Def Leppard. could have been Van Halen. Music never sounded better. (Not until I tried acid and shrooms a little later on, at least).

Yet I digress. That's not what I'm looking for. I just want to be a little high. I really don't have a connection right now. I could go to the girl that I know. Like I said, I just don't want all the other things that go along with that. I don't want to feel "indebted" to someone. For drugs or anything else.

I'm not even really horny right now. I'm just tired. I must be really tired if I'm not horny. Maybe I'm just getting old. Maybe I need some new pussy. I've been a little bad lately.

I met this girl that lives in Lakeside in a yahoo chat room. She's in her 40's but fucking hot. Tall, great body, has that kind of betty page/goth look that I love. I really want to fuck her. I like talking to her and hanging out, but I know that I'm probably just thinking with my dick. What's new huh?

Then there is my other online friend that I have been missing and haven't talked to for a couple of weeks. I wish she was closer. Probably best that she isn't cuz we would so be on right now! You know who you are. OK, that's enough rambling from me.