what could possibly happen next?

2005-01-23

Creep

Here it is, kids. The sunday wrapup. I know that I left you hanging in the last installment. Would he? Wouldn't he? Will she? Won't she? Hmmmm. I went. We met. No stoned ducks. Took me to her place. After talking for about an hour and a half, we finally ended up fucking. It wasn't anything special. Sigh. I knew that going to her place with her. I was there, though, so it was a "what the hell" kind of thing. On the plus side, she had one of those exploding pussies that I love so much. Different than Alabama's though. Alabama is more like a little squirt gun that you can shoot over and over again. Lakeside girl's was like one of those super soakers. Wow! I mean, I could feel her cumming, and you know how sometimes it's like they are pushing you out of them as they cum? That happened and then all of a sudden, SQUIRTTTTTTT! If it didn't go 3 feet then I'm probably lowballing it. Amazing. I stuck it back in her and it felt like my cock was in a washing machine. That's good, by the way. LOL. On the down side, I wasn't that attracted to her. It's amazing what people can do with cameras and pictures these days. She was very cool though. She wasn't looking for anything other than getting some dick. She told me that her husband was getting out of prison in about 80 days. I know. You find out the REAL stories when you meet them. I took off about an hour after we fucked.

I got home and called Alabama. Wait, she called me. "Did you go out and fuck one of your crackhead whores?" Me. "No baby. I stayed home all day and just didn't answer the phone." She started crying. Again. She NEVER cries! What is going on? We talked for a while and I told her that I loved her. That I don't want anyone else. That I would come over tomorrow and hang out. She was placated.

Can I tell you something? I really do feel bad for fucking that girl. I shouldn't have. Not because Alabama doesn't have it coming because she probably does. About 20 times over. What I feel bad about is am I really this damaged? I am 99 percent of the time able to seperate sex from love. I don't equate one with the other. The thing that bothers me is that I was sneaky and straight out lied to Alabama. I know, big deal. Well it is to me! I write about all the things that this woman has done to fuck up our relationship. Now here I am, as bad as her. I don't like being a hypocrite. I don't like telling on myself either. I want everyone to think "Oh, that bub. He's so sweet." I'm not always sweet. I'm definitely not perfect. I can accept these things about myself. I can live with my shortcomings. It's when I just go off and say "fuck all the standards that I hold everybody else up to and deliberately do something wrong (cheating on a person physically when I'm in a monogomous relationship with them is wrong to me. A lot of the other things that I do is just fantasy stuff and I could care less.) because I'm a selfish pig" just really leads to some good self-loathing. Of course, the nice thing about being older and wiser is that I know it doesn't have to be the end-all of everything. I fucked up. I feel bad. I really hope that I don't do it again. Not so much for her, what she doesn't know won't hurt her. Yes, I used protection. I just have my own image of my self and I guess I let myself down. C'est la vie.