what could possibly happen next?

2005-02-01

"The I (heart) Alabama Show"

My life is an endless series of profound revelation and bitter truth. I wrote that last sentence because it's February 1st and if I do the first sentence thing again I want to have some better stuff than, say, "I woke up." Ya know what I mean?

Ok, let's update you a little bit about my day. Last night after having written the letter in the previous entry I went to bed a little fucked up, if you can imagine. I had to down a couple of shots of whiskey to knock my ass out. Not like drunkenly downing it, just a couple of shots to help me relax. I was a little uptight.

I went to work and made coffee. At 6am. Like I do everyday at 6 am monday through friday. Usually I'm not thinking "fuck this shit, why do I even bother". "This is all so pointless. I should grab my guitar and head out on the highway." Things of that nature. Alabama calls at 7:30. Me, obviously a tad emotional "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!" Alabama: "I'm sorry Paul (she calls me Paul), I lied to you. I went with Jamie but not for the reason that you think. Give me 5 minutes to explain and if you still hate me I'll understand."

Let me tell you girls, you would love to have a guy like me in your life. I might be a drunk. A drug addict. A womanizer. But, if you fuck up, God am I understanding. Probably to the point of my own detrement as far as Alabama goes. I think it's because I am capable of doing so many fucked up things for no reason that I can empathize with a fellow selfish idiot. Maybe that's the secret of Alabama and mine's relatonship. Although I don't think I would get half the breaks I give her.

I won't get into the story she told me because honestly, I can't remember. It just sounds like "blah blah blah" to me. Ya know what I mean Ronnie? I think that I can summarize it. That's basically what I'm doing in my head as she's telling me the story. Summarizing and figuring out what the end results and consequences are. Details schmetails. She went with Jamie. He received his settlement. He wanted her to get the truck out of impound. (It's in her name). He would give her $2,000 if she did this and signed the truck over to him. She did. He did. He dropped her off at home about 8:30pm last night. (as confirmed later by Jim, her daddy's friend.) She was afraid to call me so she waited until the morning.

I tried to be angry with her. I tried to be mean, at least a little. But what's the use? She is like a little drug addict Lucy. I'm drug addict Ricky. I put my hands up to my face, bug eyed and yell "AI, YAI, YAI! Alabama, what are chu? crazy or sumpin?" The crazy redhead starts to cry and goes "Oh, bubby, I was only trying to fix things and now you are mad at me! wahhhhhhh!" Of course, me secretly loving her antics, immediately forgive her and know that in her fucked up head, that is exactly what she is trying to do.

Anyway, to make a long entry even longer, she came by work, showed me the money, I saw James and now I am trying to find her a car. We will see what happens in our next mad cap episode tomorrow! Stay tuned! I'm sure it will only get better!

p.s. I am really fucked up. I mean mentally, not physically inebriated. I realize this. I've been like this as long as I can remember. Change is only an option of desperation. I'm close. Just not quite there yet. But close.