what could possibly happen next?

2005-05-03

Clean as a whistle. (where did that saying come from?)

OK, I'm clean. I mean, yes I took a shower. What I'm saying though is that I haven't used any drugs since last week. No drinkies since saturday. Amazing how much better I feel. Of course, I'm tired as hell. But it's a good kind of tired. Like all of the drugs are going out of my system kinda tired. I went to a meeting last night. Generally, when I write about my meetings I make smart comments. I won't this time. My friend took to a meeting where I didn't know that many folks. Which was good. I don't want to be getting sideways on people at my first meeting. I hate all the "Oh, we're so glad your back, it's not working out there, is it?" kind of comments you get. Duh. If it was working for me I wouldn't be sitting here in this god forsaken cramped up room sipping coffee with all of you other losers. So yeah, it's not working. So yeah, I'm at a meeting because I don't know any other way to stay clean. Or any other way to do drugs. Unfortunately, thinking like that drives me to despair. So, I'm trying to be a "good" soldier. We will see how long it lasts. Just for today. That's what they say at the meetings. I can do that. Just for today I'm not going to set myself up to be vulnerable when Alabama a comes a callin'. Drug using makes me vulnerable. Ergo, drugs have got to go. I miss them. Like you don't know.