what could possibly happen next?

2004-02-23

rant, feel free to ignore

Ugh! I'm having a rough day! Is everybody in my life a bunch of fucking liars or am I such an uptight asshole about telling me what's going on that people are scared to tell me the truth! First, and foremost, of course, is dumbass Alabama, we know about her bullshit already. Second, is Gracie's mom, The born-again virgin since she had Grace. Why can't she just tell me that she sees other people instead of acting like her whole life is dedicated to her two daughters and she don't need a man. Then there's of course Ron, who's playin' a show on wednesday with the rest of the members of my old band, and just now lets me know. Hey, maybe they will even attempt to play all of the songs that I have written also. Fuck them runnin! I guess there must be some kind of karmic reason for all of the bullshit that flies past me lately but I can't for the life of me think of what it is. Oh, I can. I fucked over Axel(my old roomate). That's about all that I can think of. I just seem to attract these people in my life that are constitutionaly incapable of being honest, with themselves or anyone else. OK, I feel better getting that out of the way. See, the fucked thing about all of this is that it fucks me up when I try to trust other people. If the people that I'm closest to are going to not tell me(or just omit) the truth, how the fuck am I supposed to trust anyone? That's what fuckin pisses me off. We're all human and I'm just being a big baby right now but my feelings are hurt. There. I said it. I'm hurt. Ouch. But once again, that is my nature. I'm always looking for the person that's going to fucking hurt me the worst. wish I could lose that habit. I feel better now just typing this crap out. the other thing is that it makes me want to drink (or use large amounts of drugs) so I don't have to feel or even care about this shit. but that's the big lie. I do care. aww, fuck it.