what could possibly happen next?

2004-03-03

baby due tomorrow!

Mmmmm.... I just ate me a Red Baron Pizza (3 for $9.95). They are so delicious! And Cheap! And filling! I saw Alabama today. I went to her house after work. She is about as pregnant as pregnant can be. I played x-box with her son Jacob, he's such a nice kid. She's due tomorrow. If everything's true and correct (with her, it never is, and I'm still not sure) she should be having my 5th child tomorrow. Am I sure that it's mine? Not 100%. Does it matter? Not right now. I have this thing in NA that they call a sponsor and I asked him what I should do. He said that I should be there when she has it cuz I will feel awful later if it really is mine and I'm not there when he is born. That's the other thing. He's a boy. I have 4 daughters. Girls is what I know. I was hanging with Jacob today and I was thinking wow, boys sure are different than girls. Yeah, I'm just realizing this. The truth is I'm scared shitless right now. No kidding around. I'm afraid that she's going to have this boy and then leave it with her father and his boyfriend to take care of. (Yes, her father is gay. Really nice people, him and his boyfriend.) So there. I said it. I'm scared. Takes a lot of power out of it just to type it out. The good part of this is at least I will know where to proceed after this event passes. I feel like I've been stuck in this limbo for the last six months. I would feel weird dating anyone when another girl is allegedly pregnant with my child. I've had sex the last few months with a couple of girls that aren't Alabama but they were fully aware of the situation that I was in before we started messing around. It wasn't anything that I really wanted to pursue. The person that seems the most upset about this, which has me a little confused, is Grace's mom. The girl that broke my heart into a million pieces doesn't like Alabama one bit. She says it's the way she treated me. Well, let me tell you right now, me and michelle are close now, but almost 5 years ago she was the one making me want to die. Literally. That lasted for 3 years. Is she mad that she's not the only one that can make my life miserable? Is she angry that I could possible have feelings for someone other than her after the way she has been towards me the last 5 years? Whatever, I guess it could be worse. She could act like she didn't care one way or the other. She cares. A little too late.