what could possibly happen next?

2004-09-27

quick thanks to the Cosmic Force That Laughs At Me From Beyond

Man, do I feel alive today! Nothing like having your emotions rubbed raw and bloody over the weekend. How lovely. It was wonderful just to get to work today and focus on IT instead of HER. Have I mentioned in here how tired I am of paying what seems to be this eternal karmic debt for being such an asshole to girls when I was younger. Really, great powerful universal force. I'm just about over it. What's next on you list? What I think that I would like is some kind of fungus or maybe a disfigurement so that NO girls would be attracted to me. But that would be too easy, no? The real fun in fucking with me is to see me get hooked, start running with the bait, and then tearing right through my fucking mouth, huh? I guess I deserve it. I know that I haven't been the best boy in this life. I've definitely cheated. I've definitely broke hearts. I've done all that shit. But Christ, man. Can't you see that I'm trying? The last few times? With Michelle? With Alabama? Ya know that I loved Gabe? Jessie? Did I or did I not have pure intentions with all of them? Didn't I go out of my way to be true and honest with them, even if it hurt? And the girls that I didn't dig, wasn't I honest with them? I didn't go out of my way to hurt them or lead them on? Fuck man, I am so sick of this shit. Oh yeah, by the way, thanks for sending all these other girls, women, whatever my way the last couple of weeks. Ya know, the ones that I was ignoring because I wanted to make things work with Jessie and not be a slut? That was nice. A couple of them looked like girls that I might have liked. But nooooo, that was just a little sweet desserts for me. Should I try and say something to them now? Whatever. What-the-fuck-evah!