what could possibly happen next?

2005-02-27

two in a row!

I just realized that my gold membership expired. Sigh. What does that mean? I looked at my entry page and it still looks the same. I thought it was going to be like the carriage in Cinderella. Change back to a blue blackground with white print. All of my stuff gone. The only thing that I can notice that has changed is I can't see my stats. Boring weekend. Obviously.

I think that I'm starting to have a crisis of some type. Not drug or Alabama or alcohol or gambling induced. I went out to lunch with my family this afternoon. My aunt asked me what I have been up to and I said "just working alot." That's the truth. A brutal truth for me. How's the band? "oh, not much. I haven't been doing much with it."

I don't know about anyone else, but I have to have something to LIVE for. To exist just for existence's sake seems silly. I have my kids, that's nice. This is going to sound horrible, but I need more. I need to start being creative again. Another reason why I haven't been writing much. I'm hoping that the creative juices will start flowing if I'm not constantly talking and sorting everything out in here. I really need to be shut away from other outlets before I will force myself to pick up a pen and write music. I can write songs all day, but if they don't mean anything to me or make me feel something why bother? OK, enough whining. I'm wasting all of my valuable creative energy on this godamned thing.