what could possibly happen next?

2005-03-12

It starts with an earthquake

Hmmm. A bleak saturday morning. I don't know the forecast but it feels gloomy. I'm a little gloomy. Stayed the night at the connection's house. We didn't fuck. Didn't do anything. She was having a problem with her supplier so I had to wait. By the time business was taken care of the last trolley had already run. So I kicked it and watched her chat online with a bunch of dudes. I fell asleep on her bed. I woke up, opened up my right eye, and saw her staring at me. I don't know if she was touching herself but she was in my little world. On the walk home from the trolley stop I had a thought. Long walks are good for thinking. The only person that I stay in contact with besides the people I work with and family is Alabama. That relationship can only be described as tenuous at best. It's basically a fascade so we don't feel alone. Do I feel like I have a girlfriend? No. Does she feel like she has a boyfriend? Probably not. How DO I feel? Alone, man, alone. Soulless. Aimless. The worst part of my whole thinking lately? I've come to the conclusion that I have no dreams. I've become a zombie. Existing for no other purpose than I keep waking up. It's not a depressing thought. Just a cold reality. There will be no cavalry to the rescue. No white picket fences. No escape. From. This. Life. And I feel fine...