what could possibly happen next?

2004-09-08

busted flat in poker tournament

Horrible poker night. I went all in with pocket jacks. I got called by a pair of pocket aces. I was there all of about 8 hands. Oh well. I am doing alright today, just a bit tired. I'm trying to get myself out of all the drama associated with my old sponsor allegedly using. I think he is. It's his life and he can do what he wants. It just seems to me that some of these people care more about his reputation in the NA community as opposed to saving his ass. Like his wife said to me "bub, did you do everything that you could?" I did. So I am out of it. Next. I'm starting to get nervous about my date on Friday. Mainly because I haven't been on one so long. She's a very cool chick and that makes me feel insecure. Like she's going to see right through me and know what a jackass that I really am. I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. I know that I'm a cool guy, I just have some self esteem issues left over from Alabama. Like if a woman that is pregnant with my baby spurns me, why in the world would anyone else. At least anyone else that is worth being with. I know this is ridiculous. They are my fears though dammit! I'm hot. A little tired. A little frazzled. Oh, Lauren wanted to know about #1. #1 is a lovely girl that lives on the east coast that I have been talking to for about 7 months. I really dig her but distance and timing is a problem. If I could be with anyone in this world that is who I would be with. OK, Kate Winslett or Katherine Zeta-Jones would be close. Maybe Sporty Spice. Although I think if she started talking (sporty) it would be a real turn off. Guess that's not good for a relationship. No talking. Maybe the perfect girl for me would be Helen Keller. I'm just rambling now...